I have yet to post my CLOUDY DAYS story, but I feel like I need to post more about my current situation prior to that 5 page story.
I started to work on my so called anger issues in rehab when I officially stopped drinking just after my 30th birthday. I say so called because over the last 5 years I’ve come to realize that my emotional state may have a lot more to do with my hormones and vitamin levels than the alcohol or drugs.
Last year I decided to get a psychiatric evaluation because I have had a long history of anger issues, which I contribute to family problems, and they contribute to my drinking problem, and the drinking problem I contribute back to the family issues. It’s a big circle. In any case…back to the situation. I felt those anger issues coming on but also extreme sadness, happiness and irritability.
A year after I checked into rehab, I started to have irregular periods and mood swings like never before. I was angry, sad, happy…an emotional wreck. I thought, well I’m in my 30’s and this is normal. I thought, maybe I’m still detoxing from the alcohol and drugs. I thought about it a lot and nothing seemed to make any sense. I’d been to the Dr., the CF specialist, and the OBGYN and none of them had any in site. I decided a psychiatrist might have an idea.
My first Psychology visit was to fill out a 10 page questionnaire and attend a group introduction to the program. Then I met with my psychiatrist who gave me a briefing on what my answers meant. Bi-Polar Disorder. She gave me a bunch of information and asked what I felt about her thoughts. She said it was not a DIAGNOSIS. There is no blood test for BPD, just evaluations. She said it would take a few more visits and evaluations to actually diagnose me. I was a bit thrown off, explained my view on Bi-Polar disorder and started to tell her my life story. We met 3 more times and each time I gave her more of my life story. In the end she was not too shocked about my drinking or anger or emotional state. She, just like my previous psychologists, neurologists, general physicians, and rehab counselors, agreed that the family issues were definitely a major factor in my mind state. She said the only treatment for BPD is medication and therapy. As you know, RX drugs are not my cup of tea. She said if I didn’t want to take them she couldn’t help me any further. WTF!!!! AWWWWW. So I left my final visit with no answers except that she thinks I need to take drugs to stabilize my mood. BOOOO!
Since my visit with the psychiatrist I’ve been paying close attention to my mood swings and emotions. I get the standard PMS, but I also get wave like emotions throughout the month. In January, when the sun was covered in clouds and the cold set in, I started to experience extreme sadness. That’s when I started to research S.A.D. At the same time, my CF Dr. told me my vitamin D levels were at an all time extreme low! It wasn’t until then that I started to put the two together.
I took a look back at my vitamin D levels over the last 5 years. Low and behold they had a couple peaks in the normal range but for the most part, they have been slowly dropping. I looked at the timeline of my vitamin levels in comparison with my journal entries only to find low vitamin D levels when I was experiencing sadness and anger. Makes sense considering this information I just read:
“Vitamin D helps the brain produce serotonin, a neurotransmitter critical to emotional health. Vitamin D deficiency can contribute to negative emotions such as depression. Likewise, increased vitamin D consumption elevates mood and promotes a positive outlook.”
Vitamin D benefits our body in so many ways and deficiency is associated with Osteoporosis, Cancer, and Auto-immune disorders like Diabetes Mellitus, Multiple Sclerosis and Rheumatoid Arthritis (which I have been diagnosed with.)
I’ve experienced how the sunshine affects my overall health on numerous occasions. Every time I’ve visited Hawaii, I experience a quick change in my mood from blah to WOO HOOOO and body health from illness to wellness. When I was in Jamaica for multiple months, I also experienced the best health of my life. I’ve recently been experiencing how the sunshine affects my body the last couple weeks while the Bay Area has been relatively beautiful and for the most part sunny. I feel better after immediately being in the sun and sustain that feeling for at least a couple hours after leaving the sun, but then my mood seems to plummet and I become highly irritable. It is interesting to think I am so highly affected by the sun that even hours after exposure, I feel like shit.
All of that said, alcohol is a depressant. I have a history of alcohol abuse and can attest to the truth behind that. The following statement sums it up;
“There is ample research analyzing how alcoholics tend to process emotion distinctly and with a range of behaviors—often misinterpreting nonverbal cues expressed in people’s faces, having dampened or flat reactions where others would have strong responses, being prone to impulsivity and a lack of social inhibition, and tending toward aggression, to name some.”
I do not drink anymore yet my emotions and health are seriously suffering. This leads me to believe that although alcohol may have been a factor previously, it isn’t one now.
It has become very clear to me that my exposure to the sun and vitamin D levels have such a great impact on my emotional state, more so than any other external element or supplement, that I need to figure out how to get more sun exposure. Not more pills.
